Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
