shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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