Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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