I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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