I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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