I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
