bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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