so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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