i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He did a backflip because drugs
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