Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
