508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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