you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
