you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
