i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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