I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
