Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
do nipples grow back?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
