So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
