around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All the doctor said was why
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
