took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
