i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My pussy is not your playground.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
