You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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