I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
