I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
