i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
