Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
