so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
