First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
