i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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