Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So here I am, sexting at work.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
