So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
