left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
