so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We had to coat check the pizza.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
