atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
