I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
