my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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