at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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