Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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