I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
