I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
