I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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