Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
