discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
