No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
