I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So vagazzling was a success
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
