do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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