I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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