i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
