Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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