It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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