Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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