So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
