a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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