When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
